"Seriously, is this your life?!" "I know. I don't understand it either."

Once again, it's been too long. I'm really going to have to stop apologizing at the beginning of each blog post, aren't I? Well, best get used to it, because my life is about to get even more busy than it has been! So much has happened in such a short time and it seems that everything is happening so quickly. I know it will only speed up from now on. Also, I must thank my lil sis for inspiring the title of this blog post. Most days I can't believe that I'm lucky enough to be living how I am right now. It's baffling. Now, to catch up on the last 2 months!

The final weeks of Term 1 will forever be etched into my memories. We knew it was coming, but we still didn't know quite what to expect. The end of Term 1 brings with it two things: the Carol Concert, which we'd have to form a choir for, and the Scene Exercise Week, which would see us swapping roles with the 2nd Year Acting Students.

This prop originally said "Freedom for All". Halfway through the week, it was "Freedom for SM1s".
Rob's response was "Not a chance". By the end of the week, it was "No Freedom for SM1 Tutors." 

Luckily, we'd had a little taste of the acting experience already in our Production Exercise. As we brought together all that we'd learned over the term, we put on 2 scenes of a play, taking on each of the 6 main roles while the rest of the class acted out said play. So, by the end of the week, we'd put on that play 48 times, having acted for at least 6 rounds. (Or 12, as there was a rehearsal and then a performance.) By the end of that week, madness had taken over and we were pleading for our freedom and bribing our tutors with candy. So, when it came time to learn acting with the actors, we knew a little of the insanity that would inevitably follow.

Yes. Yes, we are. 

First up was the Scene Exercise, which I have dubbed "Mutual Respect Week". Despite it's international reputation as one of the world's best drama schools, LAMDA is very keen to keep ego at a minimum. No one is better than anyone else, no one job is more important than another; Theatre is a team effort. Thus, a few years ago, they started the initiative to give Technicians and Actors a taste of the others' job. As far as they know, LAMDA is the only drama school doing this, and I'm glad they do. Throughout the term, we've had a few of the acting classes; Movement, Voice and Stage Combat. During the final week, us Techies were given a script and we had classes on how to break down the text and really discover the characters. We were given another movement class, which was definitely out of my comfort zone! The aerobic style class a few weeks back wasn't too bad, but following my elbows through music and then making up a greeting as a different creature are certainly not things I can see myself doing to prepare for work!

As we learned text breakdowns and breathing exercises, the actors were learning how to program Sound and Lighting cues, how to write up a prompt script, run the prompt desk and then sourced props for our little show. It was a great week and it was a good chance for us to get to know the actors as well. There are many acting groups at LAMDA, and it is often hard for us to get to know them all. We were placed with the 2nd years by design; we'll be tech-ing their public productions next year and we'll all graduate together. We had a few classes together where we helped them with their technical learning and they helped us to find better ways to present our play. It was amazing how quickly they picked up on bits of the script that we'd spent 3 hours figuring out in the Text class! 

I look so awkward in this photo... because I felt awkward.
So much of this class was spent making funny faces at each other!

At the end of the week, we put on the play; actors backstage and techies on stage. It was such a valuable experience. At the end of the final day, we had a debrief with the tutors who gave us feedback on the week and also asked us for our feedback. Since this is only a 4 year old project, they've been adjusting it each year. Most of us just wished we could have had more time together to really learn how the other side works, but then we'd all be doing full courses in both acting and tech-ing!

The last day of term brought a very special Christmas tradition: the Carol concert. We were feeling fairly confident about our performance in the weeks leading up to the concert, our choir director had even said that ours was the best sound she'd ever heard from the Stage Management group, and somehow I'd ended up in a little duet at the beginning of the song. But when we arrived at the church for one last rehearsal and half of us were fighting colds, we began to get nervous. Our director cut the solos (thank goodness), putting all of the soloists together for the first verse. We returned later to light the candles, which proved the effectiveness as our training as we all became very concerned about the amount of fire in the building and if everything was risk assessed and flame proofed.

So. Much. Fire.

When we found a program and saw that ours was the last performance of the evening, we began to get really nervous. Then we saw that Patricia "Such Fun" Hodge was given a reading and realized we'd be singing in front of her too! All of the students were sat around the church facing one wall where the tutors and the audience sat. The group performances took place in the middle, but the first song of the evening was a group performance from "The Messiah". As ALL of the actors stood, our small little group of techies felt even more out of place! The evening went on and, as each year group performed their piece, we began to feel less and less talented. We just wanted put on some steel toed boots, black clothes and fade into the background to call lighting cues. However, as the penultimate act turned back to their seats and we stood up, the applause doubled in volume from their exit to our entrance. We knew we had support and even though it was probably our worst rendition of "White Christmas", we still received the biggest applause of the evening. Even without that, Rob was immediately on his feet, clapping like a proud father, and I think that was good enough for all of us.

After the Carol concert, we all made our way to one of the SM2 flats, where tradition dictates that the tutors join us for drinks and announce our roles for the next rotation. Of course, they can't be announced all at once, or in any kind of order. No, roles must be announced only 3 or 4 at a time, and not all information must be given immediately. "You're a TSM. On what show? Oh, we'll tell you later..." They thrived on every ounce of frustration they caused. Luckily, I found out my role about halfway through the night, so my suspense was shortened a bit and then I just had to wait to find out who else I'd be working with. I'm really excited to be on the construction crew building the set for "Rent". Or at least I was until I got my schedule this week: 0800-1800 each day, with a 40minute commute to the workshop. Ugh. I've warned my flat mates that I will soon be a zombie that just floats in and out of the flat, coming and going in the darkness.

Nonetheless, I'm still excited. I've seen pictures of the model box for the set and it looks like a lot of welding. I used to hate welding, mostly because you can't see what you're doing until you start making sparks, but LAMDA has fancy new eye masks that only go dark when the weld begins. I enjoy it a lot more now :-) I'm also excited to really learn the CNC (Computer Navigated Cutter) machine.  It reminds me a lot of the CMC (Computer Mat Cutter) that I used when doing Custom Picture Framing. I've used it once; I needed to cut a round board for a project and asked if it would be quicker to have a quick lesson on it, rather than measuring it out with the hand router. My Construction tutor obliged. I like to think that my enthusiasm for it was part of the reason I was put on the construction crew this rep. That, and the fact that I can handle the cold. The workshop is under three rail arches and doesn't have central heating, just little heaters everywhere, so it can get quite chilly. In fact, when Rob was reading out the assignments for this term, he even said "Ah, who wants to be cold? Megan, you're on Construction." Works for me. I'm used to being out in my Dad's shop with strategically placed heaters. It'll feel like home. Just with British accents and annoying Phillips screws instead of my beloved Robertson.

My first use of the CNC Machine. I can't wait to really put this thing through its paces. 

Christmas itself was fun and really low-key. I took on a bit of Temp work, mostly so I could spoil myself with some plays (Made in Dagenham, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, The 39 Steps, The Railway Children) ..... And I spent some time working on school projects and generally enjoying the time to relax before Term 2 takes over my life! The KwAussie flatmate and I have made it our tradition to go for a walk on Christmas Day and this year it was Regent's Park. It was a beautiful day and a nice excuse to fill ourselves with Christmas dinner later on :-) As ever, it was great to Skype with my family and have my little moment of homesickness for my amazing family. Have I mentioned how great my family is? I have? Well, too bad. They are awesome and I will never stop saying it. I would not be living the amazing life that I have if it were not for them.

The ducks and I in Regent's Park on Christmas Day. 

The first week back to LAMDA was basically a "Pre-Pre-Production" week for the shows as well as final prep time on our design projects. This is another LAMDA "Mutual Respect" initiative which sees us taking on the role of the Designer and working with a Director to create a scale model box for a set for a play. I'm doing "Let the Right One In", which has over 20 locations and supernatural vampire effects that I need to deal with. Not only must we come up with a design, in collaboration with the Director, but we must build it to 1:25 scale within the Lyric Hammersmith Theatre (according to 1:50 floor plans), keeping in mind all technical and safety issues that we would face if this play were actually being put on. For example, my design has mobile lockers which move around and open up to reveal different items and create locations, as well as being climbed on and spurting blood in a vampire murdering spree at the end of the play. In addition, we're flying in rafters/girders as windows and the jungle gym, as well as hanging people from wires throughout the play.

The Design Project visualization. Now to build the thing properly.

 So, I have to know that my floor must be anti slip, possibly with a drainage system, my lockers must be weighted for stability and have braked casters, the rafters that fly in as the jungle gym must be able to bolt to the false floor etc. This doesn't even get into the rear projection system on the "Cyc" that I need to allow room and angle for. Oh yeah, and everything that I build must be accurate enough to be built from. In real life, the construction crew will receive floor plans as well as the scale model box and they will measure from either one to build the real thing.  Does your head hurt? Good, because future blog posts will probably include some complaining about this project. So far, I'm enjoying it, but now that the design is basically complete, I have to start building the darn thing and I'm bracing myself for 1:25 frustration. In the end, the models will go on display where industry professionals will view them, interview us and choose 3 winners. I think one will actually be turned into a show and all will go on display in LAMDA over the next year. No pressure then.

It's strange to say that I am officially done my first term at LAMDA and already picking up speed in the second. There are days that I'm still amazed I'm even here. The first term was focused on classroom learning, very practical learning, but it was instruction time nonetheless. Now that we are into second term, the tutors no longer consider themselves to be our teachers. They are our colleagues and mentors as we navigate our way through the next 2 years of theatre production. We're excited to get to work, but it does feel as though we're being sent out onto a tight rope and they're not holding our hands anymore, they're just the safety net. Here I go!

Take This In. Remember This.

Today is the first day of November. My American friends are thinking about Thanksgiving and planning for turkey. My British friends are thinking about "Remember, Remember the 5th of November" and planning for bonfires. At this point of the year, I'm usually binging on Halloween candy and looking forward to Christmas. In between the "celebration" holidays, Remembrance Day tends to sit in the back of the mind. It's a day that I do appreciate, but I'm guilty of forgetting until "the day of" and taking a moment to really appreciate it becomes an afterthought. This year it has been on my mind with much more weight than usual.

On 20 & 22 October 2014, two different attacks were carried out against Canadian  soldiers, killing two. These events were shocking to everyday Canadians as, fortunately, we are not accustomed to such attacks within our own country, and certainly not from one of our own. Much has been said about these events and as I tried to process it all from across an ocean, I went through a range of emotions: confusion at mixed reports, fear and sadness. I felt disgust at the complete lack of feeling required to kill an unarmed soldier acting as a ceremonial guard at a War Memorial. Finally, gratitude.

I cannot find the credit for this photo.
 If anyone knows it, please let me know!

I have always been grateful for my freedoms, but I know that I take it for granted. I really have to think to come up with many "large scale" homicides in Canada within the last few years. Last year, 3 RCMP officers were killed in Moncton, New Brunswick and in 2005, 4 RCMP officers were killed in Mayerthorpe, Alberta, which was the worst multiple officer killing in modern Canadian history. Of non-officer deaths, I can recall 2 incidents resulting in deaths in schools. Combined with last month's events, these are the most shocking Canadian events in my 29 year memory. The truth is though, that this is a small number and is a testament to our usual peaceful state and the current increase is an eye opener to what other nations experience almost daily.

Over the past month or so, London has been preparing for Remembrance Day by creating an immense poppy display in the moat at the Tower of London to commemorate 100 years since the start of World War I. With current events in my mind, I finally made my way over there this morning and I'm not sure I can accurately describe my feelings there. At first, I thought about how beautiful it is and then hoped that the mass of people thronging to see would not ruin the experience. Instead, those people made it that much more touching.

I watched as red-shirted volunteers worked alongside cadets and military personnel. They laughed with one another and assembled the flowers methodically and respectfully. They took photos together, probably having made new friends through this experience.

I listened to parents explain the poppies to their children, that each of the 888,246 ceramic flowers symbolized a British soldier killed during the war.

One little girl asked why the war started and her mother explained that someone wanted somebody else's land and power.

"A silly reason to start a war isn't it?" 

I was nearly moved to tears when I heard a woman say to a young child what a unique and precious experience it is. 

"Take this in. Remember this." 

I looked out at the sea of red poppies and thought about each one as a body, as a person. If nearly 900,000 poppies could fill a large moat, how much more would that number of people fill a battlefield? And then a cemetery?  How would it empty a heart? And not just the hearts of those who lost loved ones, but of those that saw that loss and survived? It's an incredible visual.

As far as I understand, the number of poppies do not include the deaths of Commonwealth soldiers. I wonder if the reason for this decision was that there simply was not room enough to include Canada, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa casualties.

 As I made my way around the tower, through the crowds,  everyone was respectful in waiting for a place to get a photo and then politely making room for others. I felt that everyone was touched by the display. Even the usual chatter that accompanies such a large gathering of people seemed to be at a lower volume level. It was much more than a tourist attraction - it truly became what it had been intended to be, a memorial. There was a tangible feeling of respect and honour in the air.

My personal experience with war is incredibly limited, but I see more and more how it has shaped me. I remember school assemblies for Remembrance Day. I always thought I needed to have something something profound to think of during the moment of silence. It was easiest to think of my Grandpa, my Dad's father who had served as a mechanic for the Canadian Forces in WWII. He died when I was quite young and I was not able to get to know him as well as I would have liked. After he passed away, I remember going to my Grandma's and my Dad offered to show me his father's Dog-Tags from the war. I was fascinated and my young mind imagined the war as a great fairy tale of brave soldiers triumphing over evil. I felt proud that my Grandpa had contributed to that victory. 

My great-grandfather on my Mom's side served in WWI for the British Forces. I never knew him and didn't know much about him as a child.  Moving here, I have been able to learn more about him and how the war changed him. I see how it affected my Granny as she tried to understand a withdrawn father who refused to speak of it or receive recognition for any of his actions. She and her siblings then grew up through WWII, with bombings in England and rationing of food. That shaped her and how she raised her family and in turn, shaped the person my Mom is and who I am.

In my mind, I still sometimes imagine the world as a fairy tale place where good will always triumph, and I hope that this is true, but each day I better understand the cost.  It feels safe to say that we all know someone who serves their respective country, has given their life to do so or is a friend to someone who has lost a loved one. This year, I am more aware of them, and more aware of how lucky I am.

On 11 November, last year, I got on a plane to London and, essentially, started a new life. I was wearing a Canadian poppy on that day, and in the wake of recent news, I searched it out.  It has become a great conversation starter as classmates and tutors have noticed it and we compare it to the British one. Some of them are surprised to learn that it was a Canadian who wrote "In Flanders Fields". I learned that the leaf included on the British poppy is meant to represent 11:00, the end of the war.  I have learned about different traditions of Remembrance from my New Zealand friend who "remembers" in April with Poppy Day in commemoration of a battle significant to them. 

This past year has been a year of gratitude for me. I find myself constantly overwhelmed at the opportunities I am able to take and the people who support me in my goals. Today, I truly appreciate AND FEEL the freedom that allows me to have all this. When I think back to those school assemblies, trying to think the "right" thoughts and feel the "correct" emotions, I remember crying a little bit during "The Last Post", not knowing why, except that it was probably a good thing to do. I would wipe away the tears nonchalantly and hope my classmates wouldn't notice. Maybe it's all just part of growing up, but I understand now, and as my understanding increases, so too does my gratitude.

To that wise woman walking behind me today:

I have taken this in.

I will remember.

Not The Average Student Life

Hello, and welcome back to my Blog. I hope you like the new look. It's a new phase of my life, so it seemed a good time for a face lift. I've made more space for big photos so I don't have to write as much when LAMDA takes over all of my free time!

Whew, I've made it through 3 weeks of drama school!  The first few weeks have been really fun and exciting. There are 24 first year Stage Management students, who are known as SM1s. We are then divided into groups of 6, which will change periodically. Most of our class time is spent in these small groups to allow better one-on-one instruction. The small groups are also nice for getting to know people, and changing them up allows us to get to know everyone. 

2014-2016 Stage Management and Technical Theatre Students
(www.twitter.com)

I had prepared myself for many aspects of LAMDA, but what I really should have remembered is that it is first and foremost, a DRAMA school. Our first full school assembly was held a week after my first day, which was also the day that the actors showed up. We technicians were expecting a basic assembly of introductions etc, which is what happened of course, but it could only end with spontaneous musical number, declaring LAMDA to be "where all your dreams come true" amidst a waving LAMDA flag and handfuls of glitter. I wish I had taken a picture. Instead, here is the tutors' view of our little mad mass of students. I'm hiding in the mid right somewhere. 

All of LAMDA's Actors and Stage Technicians

The one thing I must say about LAMDA is that I'm constantly giddy about the building in which I get to learn. It is strange to walk into "my" school and see a congratulatory sign with a photograph of Rory Kinnear holding his recent BAFTA award and then go down to my locker and pass the photo of him as a student playing Romeo in a LAMDA production. Even forgetting the impressive alumni photographs throughout the building, I love the building itself. It's a complete mish mash of various architecture. Each wing is from a different age, which will only gain contrast with the new West Wing going up next year. I'm sure most of the British students just think it's old and rickety, but I love it! We spent our very first day in a long Victorian rehearsal room which is covered in old prop shields and houses the Library and the Armoury. It is aptly nicknamed "Hogwarts." I've not been in there much since, but it is by far my favourite! 

Yes, I do go to Hogwarts

The first week was a lot of general information and orientation, but now we're well into the "hands-on" learning. In only our second sound class, I was happy to see boxes of cables awaiting us. I had been wondering if we would get to use equipment as early I had been given to believe. I'm happy to say that the majority of our learning is incredibly practical. This can also be very intimidating, but overall it is a lot of fun!

Sound Mixer 

Learning about sound isn't just knowing how to put a sound system together, it is knowing how to repair it. So, naturally we've been soldering our own cables together! Thankfully, "photo notes" are encouraged which helps me to remember what I just did, with the added bonus of being able to show off what I've learned!

Male XLR Cable

1/4" Jack (Headphone) This one is very tricky... 

Female XLR to 1/4" Jack adapter cable. I made this! 

The skills of a theatre technician are not only limited to technical implements. We've also spent time with the Wardrobe ladies, who have taught us the basics of stitching. My Mom, bless her, has tried to teach me many times over, but I could never be bothered to really pay attention. We'll be learning the sewing machines later on, but the hand stitches are very important for last minute amendments before a show, or more importantly, repairs DURING the show! I'm told we'll be making tool aprons for ourselves when we learn the sewing machines, so I'm really excited for that. My flat mate keeps telling me I should have a "Utility Belt" like Batman. Better than that, I'll be making my own!

I have been most excited about going to LAMDA's workshop, which is in a set of rail arches out by London Bridge. It is a bit of a trek from the school, but it is accurate to real theatre life. It is rare that a theatre will have its own workshop, so it'll be good to be accustomed to moving set from workshop to venue and back. Plus, it has a great view of The Shard! After one orientation class, we've already build a stage flat each! Ok, so it's a 1m x 1m piece of ply stuck to 5 pieces of wood, but it goes together in a very particular way and we had a lot of fun making it. Stage flats will soon become a staple in everything we build. I believe the next project will be painting these and possibly piecing them together to become something GREAT! 

LAMDA is definitely not your "average" school. At least not how a University would imagine it. The photo below shows the corridor outside of LAMDA's Linbury Studio. Normally, this space is filled with nice squishy chairs for the public to sit on while they wait for a performance. This is what it looks like on an average school day while the technicians are prepping for the next run of shows! 

Just a regular school corridor at LAMDA. 

In addition to our practical instruction, we've also been given assigned to go on some great outings. FIELD TRIP! This is in preparation for the inevitable research that we will be doing when we need to create sets and props for period plays. So far, we have been to The British Museum, The Victoria & Albert Museum, and The Geffrye Museum. 

Gift shop of The British Museum

Getting into character at The Victoria & Albert Museum

My favourite outing thus far has to be the West End Walkabout. We spent an entire afternoon with the Head of Technical Training, who led us around the West End and told us all about the different theatre venues. This included any work he had done there and of course, which venues have LAMDA grads (actors or technicians) working right now. 

Student: "Are there any theatres without a LAMDA grad working?" 

Tutor: "No! Well, there might be.......No." 

LAMDA  SM1As and SM1Bs take over the West End

This wasn't a regular walking tour though; every 15 theatres or so, we'd be stopped and quizzed on what we had seen. This culminated in a final quizzing at the end of the afternoon where we recapped all 42 venues we'd been to and what is playing there. The problem with this is that my theatre wish list is even longer than it was before school began! Must save all my pennies... it's research, right? 

Pit Stop at The National Gallery with our Fearless Leader.
(He loves Tweeting about us. He's so proud!)

Grateful

I know that you're all expecting and, I'm told, eagerly awaiting an account of my first week at LAMDA. I promise some thoughts on it, but the topic that has been most on my mind recently is gratitude. Please bear with me while I get all of this out, otherwise I'll burst and no one wants to clean up that mess.

This past year has taught me so much. I expected that moving across an ocean, by myself, would cause certain adjustments, but I have learned about myself in ways I never expected. As a Temp, I've learned that I CAN do anything, often with little or no instruction. As a foreigner, I've learned that speaking English does not necessarily mean I am speaking the same language as another native English speaker! I've learned to look non-chalant as I look at my map, realize I've been walking in the wrong direction and turn around as though the u-turn was always my plan. I've learned to ask for help. I've learned to accept help. I'm learning how to really say Thank You.

In my first week at LAMDA, I was able to attend a performance of Shakespeare's "King John" put on by the graduating MA Classical Acting students, which included one of my friends from church. After the show, as she saw the group of us who were all there to support her, she put her hands over her heart and said "I really have no words. There are no words to say how much it means that you are here." I knew it was so much more than lip service. She really meant it and for a moment I thought "I know how you feel." I don't though. I'm just beginning. I'll know how she feels when, two years from now, I see my loved ones and find myself at a loss as to how to express my thanks for their support.

When I moved to London, one of my old employers gave me a beautiful notebook. I thanked her and promised that I would "fill it with only good things." This little book has become my "Gratitude Journal." I've committed myself to only write positive thoughts - even turning negatives into positives where necessary. For example, after my "intense" RADA interview, I wrote "I am grateful that the technical director pushed me to a breaking point in my interview to see how truly committed I am to this. And to  show myself how much I want this. I want it so much it scares me."

I am grateful for this book. 

During the past few weeks, as I've prepared for LAMDA, I have been very aware of how grateful I am for, well, everything. I've been thinking that my next blog entry would need to be a big THANK YOU!. During this time, a Gratitude Challenge has popped up on Facebook; friends nominate each other to post three things per day, for seven days, that they are grateful for.  When challenged, I thought, "I already try to do this. How will it change when I make it public?" I think this is such a good challenge; it's one of the few Internet Trends I'm willing to get behind. We spend so much time worrying about what we don't have, that we forget to recognize what we do have. It has been fun and also very enlightening to see what others have posted during this Gratitude Challenge. It is amazing what we see when we really open our eyes.

I've actually been thinking about gratitude for a long time, which I why I decided to use my pretty book as a record of gratitude. I would say that I've consciously been thinking on it since I graduated from film school. I was unemployed for a while and then had a job that made me miserable. Then I picked myself up and found work that made me happier, but still not happy enough. I fought the frustration of my circumstances (ie money) and the limited control I had over it, the knowledge that I would never be able reach my dreams on my own. Even when I made it to England and was able to take larger steps to my goals, I had to overcome the anger I felt at the injustice of support for arts education.

In all of these moments, I tried to remind myself that I had much to be grateful for, and this is where I learned something interesting. Just because I don't feel happy about "life", doesn't mean I'm not GRATEFUL for it. It was OK for me to be sad and that didn't mean I was ungrateful. (Some days I was ungrateful, but it's a work in progress.)  If I hadn't been as miserable as I was, I definitely would not have worked up the courage to move across an ocean. So, as cliche as it is, I am grateful for that trying time. I am grateful that it taught me to take action and that it has taught me to be grateful!

I do not intend for this post to be a sermon, but I really feel that I need to acknowledge the many things which I have to grateful for. As I think about gratitude though, I wonder if I really know how to show it. I'm a well trained, polite Canadian and I know my "Thank You" etiquette, but is that all gratitude is? As I find myself, as was my overwhelmed acting friend, without words, I realize that it is not enough to say "Thank You." I must show it. There must be an action of some kind.

This is not to say that the words are meaningless, but they can become hollow all too often. I like to believe that when I have said Thank You in the past that I have truly meant it, but I'm sure it didn't always sound that way. I know that the words I'm writting today are so much more sincere than they have ever been before.

Today my action is a list. If I listed everything that I am grateful for, it would be too much for just one blog entry, so I'll keep it simple. Probably not short, but simple.

1. My Parents. I cannot voice this enough. I have reached that magical time in one's life where I see my parents as regular human beings instead of rule making dictators. Their most recent sacrifice to help me pay for school is overwhelming, but more than that, it has been the years of sacrifice given so willingly to their family. Each summer, they packed the five of us kids into the van and took us somewhere new. It may have only been a few hours up the province or into the one next door, but they always made it happen. I remember campfires, ocean chasing, sea-shell finding and mountain hikes. I'm sure they only remember the cries of "Are we there yet?" They must have known they succeeded at least a little bit when we finally worked seamlessly together to put up that darn tent-trailer in record time. Or it could have been that we were being deluged by a thunderstorm and couldn't wait to get into bed. Today, I feel so proud and lucky to be their daughter.

2. My Siblings. Well, the parents were right. We're all friends now. Most days ;-) Somehow we managed to get through it all and become a weird little support system for each other. Perhaps it's because I'm the strange one who has managed to live with all but one of my siblings as an adult, but I really believe this! To praise each one individually would only embarrass all of us and fill a novel, so in short; they are marvellous. They are all such wonderful people who support me and my crazy dreams. Equally, I hope they know the support is reciprocated.

3. My friends. This applies to all of you. I'm the kind of person who always had one friend at a time. I can look at my life and name a single friend for each time period.  Elementary to Junior High. Junior High. High School. (I am from a small town after all... slim pickings) Then the first job. This city. That city. That house. This school. This other job. A few years ago though, the divisions started to get blurry. My friends in Canada and the USA were and have been so supportive of this change. My new friends in England have been so welcoming and equally supportive. I don't know how I've managed to have such great people in my life.
               As a sub topic, I would like to add that there are some very special teachers, employers and co-workers who I most definitely count as friends.

4. Church. Simply put, I'm grateful for the beliefs I have and how they have shaped who I am. I'm grateful for the peace I feel from those beliefs. I'm even grateful for it as an organisation. When I moved to London, I wasn't really alone. There was a built in network of people waiting to welcome and support me. I've had co-workers look at me in surprise when I tell them I made friends so quickly after moving here. I shudder now when I think of having to make friends in bars or clubs.

5. LAMDA. (I did promise some thoughts!) The tutors. Everyone at LAMDA is so eager to see us succeed. They set the bar high, but they are committed to helping us reach it. The tutors are so patient with us and they are excited about what they do. I am so grateful to be a part of this great family and look forward to the next two years of madness.

The first day at LAMDA.
A girl, her toolbox and dreams. 

Now, back to LAMDA. LAMDA is for me. I moved to London for me and I applied to LAMDA for me. My career is my own and what I will make of it. But it has become so much more. And for so many more. I have not made it here on my own, therefore I am not acting solely for myself. I am so aware of the many people who are now following my journey and who are cheering me on. With the many messages of "I'm so proud of you", "You inspire me", and "You're so brave", I feel a responsibility to live up to your expectations as well as to my own. If my journey can inspire even one other person to take a chance on their dreams, then these long winded blog posts are worth it.

LAMDA was the goal, which I've reached, so now I must make a new one. Here it is:

Be Brave. Be Kind. Be Grateful. 

I promise the next post will be more fun filled and less "touchy-feely", but for now, once more, with all the feeling that this keyboard can muster:

THANK YOU. 

Miracle #1 (Or: "Shock, Awe, Excitement and Terror")

This is the blog post that I've been dreaming of writing. For the last three years,  I've imagined how it would happen, what I would say, how I would feel and how I would express myself.
I'll try to be eloquent.

I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE LONDON ACADEMY OF MUSIC AND DRAMATIC ART!

My wonderful English teacher
at my high school graduation.
 My craziness isn't entirely due to my parents.
Blame public education. 

I was notified in mid June that I hadn't been accepted into RADA and after the July 1 deadlines, I was on the official wait list for LAMDA. I was beginning to lose hope and began preparations to interview with an Irish drama school. I had just booked my flight to Dublin when, the next evening, 11 July 2014,  as I packed up after a really crappy day at work, I got a call from LAMDA offering me a place! I ended the call and just sat at my desk in shock, trying to process what had just happened, trying to convince myself that it was real. 

I walked out onto the street and started typing a message to my mom, but then called her up instead. So, there I was, standing on a busy Central London street, trying not to cry as I told my mom that I'd been accepted. I think she was more excited than me! I was (and still am) trying to believe it. She has always believed I could do it. 

Since then, my life has been a flurry of activity; making all of the preparations that I knew would come at this point. I've secured a new flat that is closer to school, completed school registration forms, sent off my student loan applications and flown back to Canada to apply for my student visa. My parents have generously taken out a loan to help me with my finances, which is incredibly humbling. In fact, this whole journey has been incredibly humbling. I am amazed at the number of people who encourage me and are eager to see me succeed. I cannot adequately explain the emotions that surface when I think about my personal "cheering section."

"...Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; 

you have a right to be here. 

And whether or not it is clear to you, 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

-Desiderata, Max Ehrmann

I'm still trying to process the reality of my situation and I think I'll be in denial until my visa is safely in hand and I'm actually back in London. I'm still afraid of this one last thing going wrong. For so long, I was afraid of not being accepted and  now I'm afraid my visa will be refused. It seems that there is always something to be afraid of. I'm still hesitant to fully rejoice in this moment, because it could still be taken away. The realist in me knows that these fears are silly and the faithful in me believes that it would just be cruel of God to tease me with this, only to take it away. I've come too far for it to fall apart now.

Another excerpt from my English teacher.
(Note: This is my messy writing; not her nice teacher's penmanship!) 

Moving to London has been an adventure. I could wax poetic about the ways in which I have come to know myself better. When I set off, I had a big dream, a small suitcase and the belief that a failed attempt is better than no attempt at all. Now that the dream is beginning to take shape, I am determined to give it my all, to prove to LAMDA that selecting me was a good decision, to prove that the belief of my loved ones is not misplaced and, most importantly, to prove to myself that I can do this. I am strong and talented. I will succeed.

Vincent: "But you're not armed." 

Doctor: "I am!"

Vincent: "What with?" 

Doctor: "Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. 

I'm absolutely sorted." 

Lessons from London

A blog post is long overdue, I know. 

The big question is still looming: Have I been accepted to school? The short answer is No. Not yet at least. June is the month. Let the manic post-box-watching begin. 

If I don't get into RADA, at least I'll be in good company. Thanks Gary Oldman!
I'm also on the lookout for a LAMDA reject to commiserate with.  

In the meantime, instead of a lengthy catch-up on my recent adventures, to celebrate my 6 months in London, I present, for your entertainment, a list of 20 things I've learned (or re-learned) from this amazing city. 

1. Never buy more than you can carry

I would've taken a photo of myself
carrying the weekly shop, but...

2. The best weight loss program is poverty and public transit.

No thanks. I still have a walk, a train, a walk,
a bus and a walk between here and home.
(Which has taken care of 20lbs, thank you very much!) 

3. Happiness is a clean public toilet, preferably free of charge.

Not this one. Not especially clean and not free. 

4. Public naps are completely acceptable. Well, almost. 

5. If I don't get into theatre, I will probably run back to film.

The film crews are loving all of my job locations. 

 6. It really doesn't matter what you wear 

as long as you wear it with confidence.

7. Zebra Crossings (crosswalks) and walk signals are for tourists. 

That's Zeh-bra, not Zee-bra, you tourist!

 8. The best seat on the bus is on the top deck, right above the driver: 

A full window view and extra leg room!

Yeah, I took a selfie on a bus.Moving on.
 Look at that leg room! 

9. A two mile walk is not really THAT far.

I will always choose this over a
 26 min crowded Tube-strike bus. 

10. Somehow, someway, everything always fits.

I don't understand. 

Mid-List Sub Category: "Heard on the Underground"  

a. Never take yourself too seriously, especially at work. 

"Oh yes. Something about closing doors. Um, yes. Mind the doors.  
They're going to close! Ish. Maybe. There they go!" - Leyton Station

b. Trains are like jeans, not yoga pants

"If you are not getting on this train, please stand back from the doors. 
The sides are NOT expandable."  - Mile End Station

c. Health and Safety is paramount.

"Please stand clear. We can't move until the doors are closed and you're all nice and safe. Thank you." - Liverpool Street Station

d. Toes are also important

"Please mind the closing doors. Pull your bags in. Pull your clothes in. Mind your toes. Fantastic." - Piccadilly Circus Station

11. Inspiration will show up in the unlikeliest of places. 

12. Cheekiness is always an acceptable form of communication.

13. Homesickness takes strange forms.  

14. I don't have to know when my next journey will begin. 

15. Being "JUST a Temp" is actually pretty awesome. 

Thank you, Miranda Hart. 

16. Oompa Loompas are taller than I imagined. And more Irish.    

I thought I was just going to see Windsor Castle and then this happened.

17. With the right motivation, I can accomplish anything. 

If you want to see fear, watch a bus stand after the trains stop. 

18. The things I think will never happen, will happen. They already have. 

I have seen all of these plays and more.
I still cannot believe it. I actually live in London.

19. "There is nothing more freeing and empowering 

than learning to like your own company." - Mandy Hale

20. Friendship can happen anytime, anywhere. 

The stranger at "Richard II" became the friend sitting next to me at "Birdland".

Conclusion: I am a lucky girl!