Miracle #1 (Or: "Shock, Awe, Excitement and Terror")

This is the blog post that I've been dreaming of writing. For the last three years,  I've imagined how it would happen, what I would say, how I would feel and how I would express myself.
I'll try to be eloquent.

I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE LONDON ACADEMY OF MUSIC AND DRAMATIC ART!

My wonderful English teacher
at my high school graduation.
 My craziness isn't entirely due to my parents.
Blame public education. 

I was notified in mid June that I hadn't been accepted into RADA and after the July 1 deadlines, I was on the official wait list for LAMDA. I was beginning to lose hope and began preparations to interview with an Irish drama school. I had just booked my flight to Dublin when, the next evening, 11 July 2014,  as I packed up after a really crappy day at work, I got a call from LAMDA offering me a place! I ended the call and just sat at my desk in shock, trying to process what had just happened, trying to convince myself that it was real. 

I walked out onto the street and started typing a message to my mom, but then called her up instead. So, there I was, standing on a busy Central London street, trying not to cry as I told my mom that I'd been accepted. I think she was more excited than me! I was (and still am) trying to believe it. She has always believed I could do it. 

Since then, my life has been a flurry of activity; making all of the preparations that I knew would come at this point. I've secured a new flat that is closer to school, completed school registration forms, sent off my student loan applications and flown back to Canada to apply for my student visa. My parents have generously taken out a loan to help me with my finances, which is incredibly humbling. In fact, this whole journey has been incredibly humbling. I am amazed at the number of people who encourage me and are eager to see me succeed. I cannot adequately explain the emotions that surface when I think about my personal "cheering section."

"...Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; 

you have a right to be here. 

And whether or not it is clear to you, 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

-Desiderata, Max Ehrmann

I'm still trying to process the reality of my situation and I think I'll be in denial until my visa is safely in hand and I'm actually back in London. I'm still afraid of this one last thing going wrong. For so long, I was afraid of not being accepted and  now I'm afraid my visa will be refused. It seems that there is always something to be afraid of. I'm still hesitant to fully rejoice in this moment, because it could still be taken away. The realist in me knows that these fears are silly and the faithful in me believes that it would just be cruel of God to tease me with this, only to take it away. I've come too far for it to fall apart now.

Another excerpt from my English teacher.
(Note: This is my messy writing; not her nice teacher's penmanship!) 

Moving to London has been an adventure. I could wax poetic about the ways in which I have come to know myself better. When I set off, I had a big dream, a small suitcase and the belief that a failed attempt is better than no attempt at all. Now that the dream is beginning to take shape, I am determined to give it my all, to prove to LAMDA that selecting me was a good decision, to prove that the belief of my loved ones is not misplaced and, most importantly, to prove to myself that I can do this. I am strong and talented. I will succeed.

Vincent: "But you're not armed." 

Doctor: "I am!"

Vincent: "What with?" 

Doctor: "Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. 

I'm absolutely sorted."